Under Construction SITE UNDER PERPETUAL CONSTRUCTION SINCE 1998 Under Construction
BREAKING: ColoLocation now offering IPv5 addresses exclusively! | CEO announces new potato-powered cooling system | Maintenance scheduled during every full moon | New racks installed upside-down for better cooling | ColoLocation stock drops 120% - mathematicians baffled | Our hamsters now run on premium organic grain | New partnership with Blockbuster for tape backups | Y2K preparations underway for 2025 | Free AOL CD with every server purchase

ColoLocation

Where Your Servers Go To Die

Visitors: 12458
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⚠️ THIS SITE IS BEST VIEWED IN 640x480 RESOLUTION WITH 256 COLORS ⚠️ ⚠️ ALSO BEST VIEWED WHILE STANDING ON YOUR HEAD ⚠️

PREMIUM DATACENTER SOLUTIONS

Established in 1873, before electricity was invented!

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New Partnership

OFFICIAL PARTNERSHIP ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

New Partnership

You can rest assured that we are no strangers to hosting containers and will treat your containers with the rules that we both know. You really wouldn't get this with any other container hosting solution in the business.

At DemonContainers we want to inform our customers how we are feeling and we are not the type of business to give up our customers or let them down.

DemonContainers makes it a policy never to lie to our customers in any way. We pride ourselves on pioneering innovative container hosting.
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CLICK HERE TO VISIT DEMONCONTAINERS!!!
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HOT DEALS!!!

Quarter Rack

$99/day

BYOE (Bring Your Own Everything)

  • 1Mbps Shared Dial-up Port
  • 100MB Incoming Bandwidth
  • Some Outgoing Bandwidth*
  • 0.5 Support Chat Messages
  • 1 NAT'ed IPv5 Address
  • 7% Uptime SLA**
BEST VALUE!!!

Half Rack

$155/day

BYOE (Bring Your Own Everything)

  • 2Mbps Shared 3G Port
  • 250MB Incoming Bandwidth
  • Some Outgoing Bandwidth*
  • 1 Support Chat Message
  • 1 NAT'ed IPv5 Address
  • 14% Uptime SLA**

Full Rack

$299/day

BYOE (Bring Your Own Everything)

  • 5Mbps Shared 4G Port
  • 500MB Incoming Bandwidth
  • More Outgoing Bandwidth*
  • 2 Support Chat Messages
  • 2 NAT'ed IPv5 Addresses
  • 23% Uptime SLA**

* Outgoing bandwidth available only during non-leap years when Mercury is not in retrograde

** Uptime calculated based on squirrel activity near our power lines and local moon phases

*** All servers cooled using organic free-range ice cubes

**** Payments accepted in Bitcoin, Dogecoin, and vintage Pogs

WHY CHOOSE COLOLOCATION?

Server

State-of-the-Art Facility

Our datacenter is housed in a repurposed 1970s bowling alley with natural water cooling (roof leaks).

Security

Top-Notch Security

Armed guard (Steve with a water gun) and advanced security system (a bell on the door).

Support

24/7 Support

Our support team (Dave) is available 24/7 (except nights, weekends, and when Dave is fishing).

SATISFIED CUSTOMERS

"After moving to ColoLocation, our website went from 99.9% uptime to a more exciting 14% uptime. Never know when it will work!"

- John Doe, CEO of FailedStartup.com

"The random power outages have really helped us test our disaster recovery plans. Daily."

- Jane Smith, CTO of WhyDidWeChooseThis.net

"Their cooling system, which consists of an open window and a desk fan, is truly revolutionary."

- Bob Johnson, Systems Administrator at MeltedServers.org

NEW: CRYPTO MINING PACKAGES

Bronze Mining Package

We'll mine Bitcoin on your server when you're not using it (and sometimes when you are)

Guaranteed to earn you up to $0.0003 per month!

Silver Mining Package

We'll dedicate a 2008 NVIDIA GPU to mining Dogecoin exclusively for you

Comes with a free paper wallet printed on recycled napkins!

Gold Mining Package

We'll create a new cryptocurrency named after you that will definitely not be a scam

Includes one free NFT of our datacenter's pet hamster!